I've got a lot to say on drugs, relationships, and when they intertwine and decide to be friends. Mostly: Don't do it. Alcohol, otc, and rx are the only drugs that people should ever use, and even then, only in moderation. Sure, feel nice every now and then. But don't work to use and use to work. it's not worth it for the people you leave behind and hurt in the process.
I nearly married a man that needed to use. It's how I ended up living with my parents again. There. It's out. I dated an addict. I feel horrible, and dirty, and used. I also think I deserve my big-girl panties for putting up with it for so long, dealing with addiction, arrests, waking up in the middle of the night not knowing where your partner is or if he is ok. I was so scared, all the time. I still am, and I'm not even dating the fool anymore. He's my best friend. Losing him would be one of the worst things ever. Losing him would be losing my hope that things can and will get better.
I don't know why I needed to write that, but I feel both better and worse for it. I've been saying this for a while now - Every step you take is your own. It makes you, or it breaks you, but it is your own defining moments. To life - you are a worthless asshole that needs to stop throwing people curve balls. You SUCK. But I know that somehow, you are making me a stronger person for everything you've thrown at me. You are LIFE, and I have LIVED through it. Through the happiness, the tears, and the fears, I am somehow still standing. Bring it on. I'm not sure I can take much more, but I'd rather find out then be a coward.
No comments:
Post a Comment