Beer & Laundry

I need to work on expressing thoughts more often, so I don't always hold it in until I explode at someone. How do I know this? Because I'm tired of getting headaches that make the back of my neck pulse when I'm upset. Usually if I can't yell or scream it out, I end up shaking with a pulsing headache. Just wonderful. And incredibly juvenile to top it all off, that I still need to scream at someone when in an argument. It just makes it feel better, makes my point get across so much clearer. Maybe tiny people just need to scream because we're little? IDK. Maybe I was such a "good" child that I skipped that part of development. I never had tantrums. I never threw a fit in a store, grocery or toy variety. Actually, I'm pretty sure I skipped a lot of "phases" of development. All that teenage rebellion? I was pretty much a good kid. Never did my homework, and hung out with the wrong crowd for a tiny amount of time, but I never caused any major issues. I've had more tantrums since February then I've had in my entire childhood. I've slammed doors, cabinets, anything to avoid all-out self-combustion or a full-fledged fight. I think knowing I cannot do anything, or get my way/what I want, has officially gotten to me. Mom said I had anger issues. Gee, I wonder why? Maybe because no matter what I do, every mistake gets shoved in my face. I don't want to work in a god damned restaurant, especially with one of my fathers friends. They don't like the fact that I'm bartending, tough shit, it's money I'm making ON MY OWN, in a way I feel comfortable with. Not shutting my mouth and serving fries with that. I should be more of a bitch just because I never ask for anything, yet I've been treated like shit by an asshole that doesn't deserve my recognition as family. If you follow my twitter, you can see this all happening, every little piece of control I have crumbling away.

I need a punching bag and a soundproof room. And lots of kleenex.