REVENGE IS SWEET, NUT SO IS ICE CREAM 3/16/09
Maybe I like torturing myself a little bit, I must to keep checking your page, and hers. I feel used, and torn, and just... broken when I see proof that you actually used me like a toy! How could you? I loved you. I cried when you left, and when you came back and forgot all about me, I cried even harder. That month was just one stab in the back after another. First her, then you. Great way to lose a close friend and a best friend, a sister. I was so sick for such a long time because of you two. I lost about 15 pounds in a MONTH, blondie. I lost hours at work, my grades dropped. I hope you are happy, sonnenschein, with the old broad that lived down the road from me. I should have seen that one coming, every time we went over the tracks you mentioned her. I knew her name, where she lived, you told me everything about the girl that would replace me. And you, blondie. How could you stab a sister in the back like that? Would you do that to your blood sister? Would you react like I did if she ever does the same to you? Yes, it's true I haven't found a solid replacement for you, and thats beyond sad. I have so many friends, and so many close friends that love me so much. I am loved. But I have not found the one friend I can share everything with, no matter what or who. My mom wwould say that that should be my sister, but I say f that. We are NOT cut from the same cloth, even though we have the same DNA. Sort of sad, in a way. I'll continue on that some other night. Right now I need to get some sleep.
YOUR DRUG IS A HEARTBREAKER
Because of you and that, I'm not where I want to be. No one else fucked up my life more then that. Really??? Even after getting better, you got worse again, and again, and again, and again, ad infinium. You always will. If it's not this, it WILL be something else. May be a video game, or another relationship, i can feel it coming. Now I know that feeling heartbroken for no apparent reason is my bodys way of telling me something is going to happen. I am sorry for you, friend. You helped me grow as a person, and thank you for that, really. I don't know where I would be without some of the things you helped me accomplish. But I don't want to be here. I could be happy, I could not give a shit, and not care about you ruining your life. But some nights, it feels like you ruined mine too. And that really pisses me off.
I know you won't read this, btw. I'm abso-fucking-lutely SURE you don't give a shit about me or my thoughts, so you never check my blogs, so I'm screaming from my hidy-hole a hearty GET REAL! And while you're at it, get your head out of your ass. There are easier ways to be self-centered.
To all not involved: this is what I've been going through the past year. some of you know, some of you don't. My grammar and punctuation might not always be perfect, but at least I can say I'm (slowly!) moving on, and that always deserves a celebration. So... who wants to party?!?!?!!!
(BTW- I used to party hard. Now, I just get a little tipsy and move on. Times were fun, and sometimes I wish I could go back, but I'm not that girl anymore. I think I grew some responsibility. Finally. Took long enough! Lol.)
